Just a Little More

Sometimes just a little bit more, over time, can make a big difference.  Say, you’re working in the yard and your body and mind are telling yourself it’s time to quit for the day.  Instead of quitting right then, tell yourself, “Just fifteen more minutes.”  Getting yourself into the habit of doing just a little bit more can be extremely effective and rewarding.

As Americans we’ve become too enamored by the big win and the long pass for the winning score.  Japanese students spend a half day more per week in school than U.S. students.  A half day isn’t much.  By the end of the year it adds up to a whole month. By the time they’ve graduated from high school they have had a whole year more education than U.S. students.  If you will work just 5 minutes more than your competition every day by the end of the year you will be 26 hours ahead (assuming a 6 day work week).  If you have the type of job that gets paid by tips then staying just a little bit longer to get an extra 2 dollars in tips will put you $624 ahead by the end of the year.  If you can get $5 per day you’ll be a whopping $1,560 ahead (assuming a 6 day work week).

I realize that there comes a point of diminishing returns, that point where you are too tired or too bored to do a good job.  However, the principle stays the same, and can be applied to any area of your life that is important to you.  If you’re running a marathon and you can increase your step rate by just one step per minute you will be 150 yards ahead by the end (assuming 2.5 foot stride and a run of 3 hours).

So, the next time you’re tempted to give up or give in try talking yourself into doing just a little bit more.

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The Measure of a Man

“You can tell the measure of a man by how well he holds his whine.” Perry Sandoval

Whiners, the worst sort of self-centered pessimists, are the bane of our world. In their cowering way they complain about the depth, length, and breadth of the hole you dig but never pick up a shovel to either fill it in or make it right. We all have to endure whiners, critics, pessimists, and bullies but may God have mercy on you, if ever join their ranks. Don’t!

At the end of their pitiful life what can the whiner say? “I complained more than anyone I know” The pessimist is often too lazy to keep score to substantiate such a claim. It takes months, sometimes years, to write a novel or make a movie. A whiner can shred it in a moment. Yet none of his criticisms will inspire a single soul.

Don’t whine. Not to yourself nor to anyone else. Live your life and pursue your dreams with a passion. Fuel the dreams in your heart so that those behind you can see the brilliance of the comet-like tail that you leave as you pass through life.

“Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential.” Winston Churchill

I recognize that life is hard. It is harder for some than for others. So what? How is your current position justification for inaction? From wherever you are, go higher. Take a chance and make a change for the better. Don’t give up! Don’t give in! I know that I know that I know that you have untapped potential within you begging you to get up off your fatty acids and draw deep from the well within you. After you’ve made the change and gotten to a higher level, do two things. First, help someone else. Second, challenge yourself to go up another level. Unlike the whiner, when your life is over, even if it is only days away, you will be able to say, “I came up from where I was.”

“Never, never, never give up.” Winston Churchill

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Getting Better Service

I like good service. If you’re going to work under the hood of my car and I never have to see your face then I don’t care if you whistle a tune or swear like a sailor. However, if we have to talk face to face I want a smile and a good attitude.

I”m a straight shooter. Which is just a polite way of saying I talk plain, some might say blunt. But I wanted better service, so, I took it upon myself to find a way to illicit more pleasant service from the grocery store clerk to the bank teller. Here’s what I do. I look for a name tag and say, “Hello Don, how are you?” After doing this for several years I’ve discovered that about 80 percent of the time the other person brightens up. Sometimes I even get extra service by way of tips or directions.

About 19 percent of the time I get no response and the service person stays just as stone-faced as before. About 1 percent of the time they get even grumpier. Oh, well. The gains far out weigh the losses so I’m happy.

Next time you order a hamburger or a wheat juice beverage look at the person behind the counter and say, “Hi, how are you?” It might make your life just a little more pleasant here in Connecticut.

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Move to a Better Life

It is really, really hard to hit a target you can’t see. Everyone seems to want a “better” life but how do you define “better” and how do you measure progress towards it? Here are three criteria that may help.

1. The resources to meet the needs of yourself and others.

2. A plan for fulfilling a well-defined purpose

3. Wholeness

Meeting Needs

This measurement says a lot about your character and how you view your fellow man. If you will not take care of anyone besides your self it broadcasts selfishness. Selfishness is one of the main ingredients for an unfulfilled life. When you choose to limit your spending to what you earn and always set aside a little for someone else, it shows that you are able to delay gratification. Besides being a mark of maturity, delayed gratification, is a necessary ingredient for building anything of significance.

Notice that I didn’t say meet “wants” and I didn’t say meet the needs of everyone. Most people live on a limited budget of some type. When my son was going to college a relative would send him $20 a month. It wasn’t nearly enough for books, supplies, tuition or board. However, it was enough to buy coffee. Just coffee. That improved my son’s life and demonstrated the character of the giver. If you’re looking for a life-long partner look for someone who delays gratification and meets the needs others, even in a small way.

A Plan and a Purpose

When you have a reason to “want” to get up in the morning it makes a huge difference in the quality of your life. Ten years from now will you be able to look back at this year and say, “I was on my way to where I wanted to be now.”

Having a purpose is like Novocaine for the pains of life. It softens the blows and brightens the colors of life. However, a purpose without a plan is just a fantasy. A plan is an extremely useful tool in the fight against discouragement, anxiety, and apathy. In the movie, “For Love or Money,” Michael J. Fox played a character who conducted his life with zealous discipline. He endured aging employees, a sadistic manager, and eccentric guests because each dollar of each tip put him closer to his purpose. In Charlie Plumb’s book, “I’m No Hero” he discusses the importance of having something to do everyday to prepare himself for the eventual return to civilization. The combination of hope and activity enabled him to endure the horrors of a Vietnamese prison. A plan feeds your hopes.

If you have a fantasy, some wild-eyed bronco of a dream. Take some time to develop a list of steps to get there. If the dream is worthwhile then it is worth taking the time to develop a plan. Use the list as a set of scales to measure every friendship, party, and purchase. If it is not helping you fulfill your purpose then it is retarding your progress. Chuck the offender mercilessly. By the way, helping other people will help you achieve your purpose unless your purpose is to win the Narcissus of the Year award.

Wholeness

Of the three measurements mentioned here this is probably the most abstract. It requires daily action to achieve and maintain. Synonyms for it are peace, integrity, completeness, and order. When your clothes are clean and easy to get to, your books are put away, your finances are in order, and you are in control of your time then you will have wholeness. Maybe today your dwelling is a mess of books, papers, and take-out cartons. But tomorrow it could be just a mess of books and papers. With daily application it could become a place without distractions. I’m not trying to say you should become a neat freak or a compulsive time-cop. I’m just suggesting that you look at each area of your life, such as your physical surroundings, how you maintain your body, and the condition of your psyche and decide what actions you can take to make them more orderly. There are scores of books and articles on de-junking your life. Find one or two and follow their advice.

Do you have heartaches from the past? Maybe somebody abused or betrayed you. You lost a loved one or had a major business failure. I’m not being heartless. I’m just saying, as compassionately as I can, it is time to move on. Don’t let the past hold you back any longer. The following technique has worked well for some people. On as many pieces of paper as are necessary, write all the failures and suffered wrongs. Then burn them (somewhere safe, please). Another technique is to go to an office supply store and buy a pad of invoices. Write an invoice for everyone who has ever done you wrong. Then on each one write “Paid in Full.” Or get yourself a stamp. One of those old fashioned kind with the separate ink pad. Forcefully stamp each invoice PAID!. At that moment release that memory’s hold on your soul. When you wake up the next morning say to yourself, out loud, I am free from the past.

Next Steps

Are there other measures of the “good life” which one can apply? Of course there are. Use these as a starting point. Make a commitment to yourself to act on these three for the next three months. Give your self a grade in each area and make a commitment to yourself to raise that grade. Maybe you have a dream but it’s not written anywhere and you are without a plan to fulfill it. So you have an “F” in that subject. No problem. Take a few minutes, let’s say 15, and start researching and writing the steps to your dream. Maybe your wallet is so tight that your debit card squeaks when you use it. That’s ok. Cut your expenses until you can send $15 dollars to a charity that does something for someone else. If you score an “F” in the wholeness department don’t despair. You can’t conquer the mess in one day but you can make significant progress in just 3 months. Shut off the T.V. Better yet, sell yours and send the money to charity. There’s nothing that good to watch anyway. Everyday throw something out of your life that is not adding value. At the end of every month give yourself a check-up and see if your grades have improved. If you practice the principle of “continuous forward progress” you will have a very different and much happier life.

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From Helpless to Helpful

I just revisited an old story about some poor Joe that couldn’t walk. His family or friends would drop him (sometimes literally) on the street near a popular place to beg. I know that there are some “beggars” in New York city that make a pretty decent living by “pan-handling.” But he was not one of those.

I can’t imagine that his life was all that great. Some people looked down on him, judged, and criticized him openly. His lively-hood depended on the economy and the kindness of strangers. But I keep thinking about his heart, his soul. What would it be like to be unable to choose where you go each day and to know that you cannot be of help and will never be able to be of help. You are helpless. You are a “burden” to society. I imagine that day after day of this kind of a life would cause you to slump into a mental funk of hopelessness. Cynicism would become your friend. How could you avoid adopting a victim mentality?

Then one day two guys came along and, as usual, he begs for money. This is a popular place and these guys have been here before. But today, they “see” him. Really see him. They grab the guy and stand him on his feet. Miraculously he walks. Filled with elation he shouts and screams and just generally disturbs the peace. He’s excited.

Today, I focused on a completely different aspect of the story. Instead of focusing on the miracle I focused on the future. In a sliver of time this man’s future changed. He could now pursue his purpose in life with vigor and mobility. For the first time he could visit friends or, if he chose sales, visit customers. He could raise cattle or farm. He could make stuff to sell.

Thank God I’m not in his pre-miracle position! Or am I? Are you? Is there some mental-block that is keeping you from pursuing your passion for life? Maybe you believe that you’re completely dependent on your boss or parents or the welfare system to be able to live. What if today, not tomorrow, but today, you just decided that you would at least start looking for a better way. You might say, “I don’t have the courage.” Pretend that you do! If you had the courage what would you do? Has it been so long since you’ve allowed yourself to dream or fantasize that you don’t even know what your passions are anymore?

I hope with all my heart that you have more to look forward to than the weekend, or the next one-night stand, or the next great meal. It seems to me that genius has less to do with your actual intelligence than with the having the guts to follow your passions. Years and years ago I heard an interview with Mariah Carey. The interviewer asked Mariah what she would do if her career didn’t progress any further. Mariah responded with something like, “I just love to sing. Even if I had to wait tables I would still sing.” There’s a person pursuing her passion. She did not sing for stardom. She sang to realize her passion.

Do you have something inside you that just compels you forward? Or did you take a job because of the money but you hate the work? I’m discovering and rediscovering my passion for life. I’m learning new ways to plan and to pursue my passions. I hope you will too.

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Why Bother Planning?

Why should you plan and what does it mean to make a plan? What does a plan look like?

Before you make a plan you must know the goal. Now, the goal, just like a goal in soccer, or hockey, or football, must be unambiguous. A goal should be something that an unbiased observer can verify.

Don’t confuse a dream and a goal. Dreams come to be by the achievement of many, many goals. Dreams can, no, should be inspiring. They can be astronomical in size.

Once you have the goal firmly in mind you need to find the purpose. Some times the goal you’er trying to reach isn’t yours. It may be the goal of a boss, friend, or family member. Therefore, the next thing you need to discover is your purpose for achieving the goal. Even though the goal may not be yours you must find your own, very personal reason, for achieving the goal. Why? Well, because achieving a goal often impacts or is impacted by your emotional state. When your emotional state turns sour you must be ready to combat the sour emotions with a solid purpose.

I think finding your purpose for achieving a goal is often extremely difficult and often trivialized or overlooked. It may seem obvious that a goal must be achieved because your boss said so. But why do you care about what your boss has to say? “If I don’t I’ll get fired!” you may say. Why do you care if you get fired? You’ve been complaining about working too hard and not having enough time. “I have to eat!”, you may quip. But you just told your friend a few days ago that you need to lose weight but just can’t find the time or stay away from the donuts. Getting fired will solve both problems. There are a lot of people who don’t have jobs and find ways to eat. Just because a reason seems obvious or is logical doesn’t mean it is your reason.

You must dig deep and search your soul and search diligently for the positive reasons for accomplishing the goal. The first time you do this, you may find it to be quite difficult. After going through the exercise a dozen times it will become quite natural.

So, here’s an example of some positive reason for achieving a specific goal.

“I respect my boss and I want to help them achieve something important to them. I love the theater and this job provides the money that allows me to follow my passion. My daughter is passionate about science and this job enables me to get her the supplies, books, and trips to satisfy her quest for understanding.”

By developing a long list of positive reasons you prepare yourself to fight fatigue, frustration, and setbacks. This makes a goal more than just something to do. It empowers you to possess the goal.

Once you understand the goal and have a solid list of reasons to pursue the goal the rest is relatively straightforward. The next step is to develop a plan.

What is a plan? How do I know if I have a good one? A plan is a collection of tasks and resources ordered in such a way as to achieve the goal. A good plan covers all the bases. It should have a sufficient amount of detail so someone else, our unbiased observer, can look at the plan and know what the status is by comparing the plan to reality. However, don’t get caught in the green goo of over-planning. General Paton once said, “I’d rather have a good plan today than a perfect plan tomorrow.”

Once you have a plan we start calling the goal a project and, naturally, the plan is called a project plan. Supervising the execution of the project plan is called project management. There are lots of resources that cover the mechanics of goal-setting and project management. Once you have a well described goal and you have searched your heart for reasons to pursue the goal you can skillfully apply the mechanics to the project. You will also be fully prepared to deal with the inevitable set-backs of life.

My aim for this short piece is not to reiterate the whys and hows of goal-setting. Rather, it is to provide you with the emotional fuel to live out your purpose. With a collection of goals, good techniques, and a list of heart-felt reasons you can have a life worth living.

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