Would you like to live a happier life? In your mind, is that a dumb question? Many people want a happier life but they delegate their responsibility to someone else, like their lover, parent, teacher, or the government. If you want to live a happier life the first thing you need to do is take responsibility for your life. You cannot control every aspect of your life but you can control how you respond to the circumstances.

Replace grouchiness with honest thankfulness. I read about a man who suffered a severe back injury. While convalescing at home he just couldn’t get to sleep. Finally, he acted on the advice of a close friend. The friends advice was simple but required diligence. He started verbally rehearsing everything for which he was grateful. He started with the green grass in his backyard, then the flowers his wife had planted. From there he moved on to the trees and a variety of other things. With each new item he found he was getting happier and more relaxed. After several minutes of thankfulness he fell asleep and slept soundly for the first time in weeks. The key: you must choose to be thankful for the people, things and circumstances of your life. People respond much better to honest gratitude than to sarcasm or rudeness. I want to emphasize honest appreciation. Saying “I love you” to a Starbucks server just because they made you a large cappucino will probably reek of insincerity. Instead, keep it simple and direct by looking the person in the eye, smiling and saying something simple like “Thank you.” Acknowledging the good in your life by way of thanksgiving is a great way to boost your spirit and overcome the doldrums.

Resolve conflicts as quickly as possible. Nobody is perfect and everyone has faults. However, the sooner you can resolve a conflict the sooner you can get life back on track. In a work situation, unresolved conflicts can destroy productivity. There are way too many aspects of conflict resolution to go into here. However, here are a couple of simple thoughts to keep in mind that may help. First, choose (it make take a lot of will-power) to recognize that the other person is a human being and has value. Second, remember that you’re not perfect. Even if the cause isn’t your fault a little humility can help disarm the other person and make it easier to resolve the conflict. Third, ask the other person to express their feelings without abusive language. Finally, reassure everyone that you’re willing to work towards resolution. Resolve conflicts early so that little battles don’t escalate to all out war.

Replace perfectionism with completeness. Very few things in life are perfect. But just because things are not perfect doesn’t mean they’re incomplete. I love potato salad in the summer but I hate those dinky plastic forks that people usually pass out at picnics. I could inform the host ahead of time to make they have sufficiently sturdy plasticware. Yeah right! Or I could remember to always bring my own fork. Get real! Or, I could simply take smaller bites. The third option is the one I’ve found to be the most successful. There are many aspects of our modern life where compromises have been made that don’t benefit us directly. You can either waste time and energy complaining about them or you can be more proactive and develop ways to cope. As long as the work is complete and correct a few minor imperfections shouldn’t cause any problems. If you’re the compulsive type, cut yourself and those around you some slack. and allow for some imperfection.

Eliminate physical and emotional clutter. I honestly believe that some people keep a cluttered desk or office as a means of hiding how little they actually accomplish. I’ve always found it fascinating that when I go to an expensive store, high class neighborhood or a good museum that everything is in order and uncluttered. An uncluttered mind has plenty of mental power to solve current problems and create new designs. An uncluttered heart has more room to appreciate friends and family. Be ruthless in eliminating physical clutter. Be just as ruthless in the realm of your soul and forget all those bad memories, grudges and wounds from the past. I can almost guarantee that the person who hurt you last year or last month isn’t wasting one iota of emotional energy on your wounds. Forgiveness has a greater benefit to the giver than to the recipient.

I know it’s easy for someone to say “be happy.” Happiness, like many good things in life, requires work. You must exercise your power of choice. Choose to show gratitude. Work at resolving conflicts quickly. Where appropriate, strive for completeness not perfection. Be diligent to keep your heart and habitat free from clutter.  These all take effort and choice but the results are well worth the cost.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 20th, 2008 at 7:16 am and is filed under Life Tips. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.