4 Ways to Be Happier

Would you like to live a happier life? In your mind, is that a dumb question? Many people want a happier life but they delegate their responsibility to someone else, like their lover, parent, teacher, or the government. If you want to live a happier life the first thing you need to do is take responsibility for your life. You cannot control every aspect of your life but you can control how you respond to the circumstances.

Replace grouchiness with honest thankfulness. I read about a man who suffered a severe back injury. While convalescing at home he just couldn’t get to sleep. Finally, he acted on the advice of a close friend. The friends advice was simple but required diligence. He started verbally rehearsing everything for which he was grateful. He started with the green grass in his backyard, then the flowers his wife had planted. From there he moved on to the trees and a variety of other things. With each new item he found he was getting happier and more relaxed. After several minutes of thankfulness he fell asleep and slept soundly for the first time in weeks. The key: you must choose to be thankful for the people, things and circumstances of your life. People respond much better to honest gratitude than to sarcasm or rudeness. I want to emphasize honest appreciation. Saying “I love you” to a Starbucks server just because they made you a large cappucino will probably reek of insincerity. Instead, keep it simple and direct by looking the person in the eye, smiling and saying something simple like “Thank you.” Acknowledging the good in your life by way of thanksgiving is a great way to boost your spirit and overcome the doldrums.

Resolve conflicts as quickly as possible. Nobody is perfect and everyone has faults. However, the sooner you can resolve a conflict the sooner you can get life back on track. In a work situation, unresolved conflicts can destroy productivity. There are way too many aspects of conflict resolution to go into here. However, here are a couple of simple thoughts to keep in mind that may help. First, choose (it make take a lot of will-power) to recognize that the other person is a human being and has value. Second, remember that you’re not perfect. Even if the cause isn’t your fault a little humility can help disarm the other person and make it easier to resolve the conflict. Third, ask the other person to express their feelings without abusive language. Finally, reassure everyone that you’re willing to work towards resolution. Resolve conflicts early so that little battles don’t escalate to all out war.

Replace perfectionism with completeness. Very few things in life are perfect. But just because things are not perfect doesn’t mean they’re incomplete. I love potato salad in the summer but I hate those dinky plastic forks that people usually pass out at picnics. I could inform the host ahead of time to make they have sufficiently sturdy plasticware. Yeah right! Or I could remember to always bring my own fork. Get real! Or, I could simply take smaller bites. The third option is the one I’ve found to be the most successful. There are many aspects of our modern life where compromises have been made that don’t benefit us directly. You can either waste time and energy complaining about them or you can be more proactive and develop ways to cope. As long as the work is complete and correct a few minor imperfections shouldn’t cause any problems. If you’re the compulsive type, cut yourself and those around you some slack. and allow for some imperfection.

Eliminate physical and emotional clutter. I honestly believe that some people keep a cluttered desk or office as a means of hiding how little they actually accomplish. I’ve always found it fascinating that when I go to an expensive store, high class neighborhood or a good museum that everything is in order and uncluttered. An uncluttered mind has plenty of mental power to solve current problems and create new designs. An uncluttered heart has more room to appreciate friends and family. Be ruthless in eliminating physical clutter. Be just as ruthless in the realm of your soul and forget all those bad memories, grudges and wounds from the past. I can almost guarantee that the person who hurt you last year or last month isn’t wasting one iota of emotional energy on your wounds. Forgiveness has a greater benefit to the giver than to the recipient.

I know it’s easy for someone to say “be happy.” Happiness, like many good things in life, requires work. You must exercise your power of choice. Choose to show gratitude. Work at resolving conflicts quickly. Where appropriate, strive for completeness not perfection. Be diligent to keep your heart and habitat free from clutter.  These all take effort and choice but the results are well worth the cost.

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Enemies to Progress

Whether you are an independent consultant, a manager, or an employee you probably want to make as much progress in your professional and personal life as is humanly possible. However, for some weird cosmic reason progress is often resisted. In business as well as personal life, we want to make progress as quickly as possible because it often brings both fiscal rewards and a sense of personal fulfillment. But you must be diligent to guard against the enemies to progress. Here are a few of these enemies and what to do about them.

Lack of a plan is probably the single largest obstacle to good progress. Scientific discoveries are often accidental but product development, awesome theatrical productions, and human development must be founded upon a good plan. Even small projects like a pleasant date or an evening with friends benefits from a plan. A good plan can be as simple as a list of tasks and resources written on the back of an envelope. So don’t let a lack of a plan get you off the path to success. I’m told that General Patton once said, “I’d rather have a good plan today than a perfect plan tomorrow.”

I’ve often taken on a challenge to get something done without the necessary resources. When you’re short on resources it’s good to be long on resourcefulness. I’ve worked with some people who refused to learn a new technology or wouldn’t commit to a schedule until the project was complete. If you want a wedding on the cheap or you want to tour Europe for a month or you just want to make the biggest bang for the buck for a new product launch my suggestion is to focus on resourcefulness not resources. Enlist the help of resourceful people and shy away from those who demand that everything is provided for them ahead of time.

I have this bizarre habit of visiting a McDonald’s in every foreign country that I visit. I don’t do it because I’m homesick I do it because McDonald’s Corporation requires consistency among their franchises yet allows for regionalization. In the Southwest you can get green chili on your burger, in Japan you can get a teriyaki burger or a squash shake. The Big Mac tastes the same in all countries but the regional options allow some of the local flavor to shine through. However, one of things that is not consistent across the international boundaries is the level of service. And I hate to say it but I’ve often received the poorest service right here in the good ol’ USA. Some servers won’t greet you or tell you the total. I’ve had my food tray slammed on the counter or slid across the counter too me as if it was to tiring to take one more step to hand it to me. It is very hard to find employees, especially for low paying service jobs, that are diligent and serious about their work. However, I’ve seen the same problem in high-paying jobs when employees refuse to treat their co-workers with respect, or carry their share of the work-load, or avoid schedule commitments. Whenever possible, eliminate laziness in yourself, and surgically remove it from your support team. If a person is lazy in their work they are probably lazy intellectually as well and may have other personality traits that will sabotage your project. Get rid of them quickly and avoid hiring them in the first place.

One enemy of progress that is particularly difficult to deal with is a lack of trust. If you want to get something done as quickly as possible you need to earn the trust of the people working with you. Without trust, people won’t commit to the unusual demands and schedule of the project. They may grow suspicious that the accelerated time-line is just an excuse to get more work for the same pay. To avoid trust issue you have to be as open as possible about the issues involved and you have to set the mark for dedication to the project. If your staff is working extra hours but they see you leave early, take long lunches, or have highly animated phone conversations with a lover they’ll lose their respect for you and resort to extended breaks or gossip sessions that will most certainly impact the time-line. If you want something unusual make sure you lead by example.

Strife among the team is another nasty problem to deal with. The best way to deal with it is to avoid creating a fertile environment for it to grow. If you lack a plan, don’t have resourceful people, have lazy team-mates, and a lack of trust you can be absolutely certain strife will flourish. People often perform at their best when they’re challenged at a level that is a little higher than they’re used to. However, if you assign a task that is way out of line with a person’s capabilities you are creating a time-bomb for yourself. If you find that a couple of team members have a particularly difficult time getting along you need to act quickly to get some level of agreement. They don’t have to become “best buds” but you should insist that they get along amicably and professionally for the sake of the project.

There you have it, 5 enemies to progress and a few suggestions on how to defend against them. Progress is great and provides us with a great sense of fulfillment. You’ll make the most progress when you have a plan, gather resourceful people, avoid laziness at all costs, build trust, and inculcate a culture of quick amicable conflict resolution. Progress isn’t always easy, but I bet you knew that already.

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Maybe You Can Take It with You

Marcel loved to walk. Daily he would walk to the end of his street and take a left at the beach and walk until he came to the point. Depending on the tide, he picked one of his favorite boulders, sit on it and meditate about the wonders of God’s creation. There were two other things Marcel loved. He loved to help and he loved the color of gold. At work, he would never shy away from a tough problem or a disagreeable task. Some people called him a “brown-noser” but the promotions and bonuses came anyway. When someone was in trouble they called Marcel. He was the same way at church. He would do whatever was asked. Gold, for some reason, had an especially strong fascination for him. He collected gold coins and would invest small sums of money in gold futures on the commodities market.

The months passed. The years passed. The decades passed. With the passing of time, it took longer and longer to make the round-trip along the beach. Finally, it became clear, Marcel would soon die. On the last day of spring, with a fresh breeze blowing through his hair, he looked down on the beach he could no longer walk upon. He said in a clear voice, “I’m satisfied.” Then he died.

The reading of Marcel’s will started out as a somber event. Marcel had no children and his wife had passed away long before he did. But he did have plenty of nieces and nephews. Each received a monetary gift in relation to what he knew about each one and what they knew about him. Tabitha’s parents, from his wife’s side, were “no accounts” but Tabitha was a hard worker with dreams of being a surgeon. She, like Marcel, would take on any task and worked hard at everything she did. Tabitha got the large part of Marcel’s money. Dwayne, on the other hand received a single dime. But the strangest part of the will was how Marcel wanted to be buried. In the will he requested that the room be emptied of everyone but his pastor, his best friend Clyde, and the executor. Marcel wanted to be buried with a bag containing two bars of gold. He sighted Psalm 37 and Mark 11 which he said guaranteed that it would be ok.

When Marcel approached the Pearly Gates to meet St. Peter, sure enough, he found his bag of gold in his hand just as he and expected. Peter asked, “What have you in the bag?” Marcel, answered, of the most beautiful things God has ever created nothing compares with the shine and color of gold so I brought some with me. Peter retorted, “You dared to bring filthy lucre with you to the holy heavens of God?” “Not filthy lucre! Gold! Part of God’s good creation. He told us where to find the gold in Genesis 3. And in Psalms 37 he said I could have the desires of my heart. And in Mark 11, He said I could have whatever I desired. And I have more verses if you want them” Peter was shocked. No one had ever brought anything with them to heaven. So, he got on the phone and checked with the main office. “Yes, he has it in a bag. …. As a matter of fact he did mention Psalms. … Yes that one too and he says he has more. What? Ok.” Well, Marcel, you and your bag may enter.

As Marcel walked through the gates he was spellbound by the beauty of heaven and awed by the exuberant joy and sublime peace he felt. Soon, he came to some people. He felt he knew them but he didn’t. They welcomed him heartily, like twin sisters after a long separation. They immediately asked to see what he had in the bag. At first he hesitated, then he remembered where he was. He thought to himself, “Why should I be ashamed or afraid. This is part of God’s creation. And if I can’t trust my brothers and sisters in heaven then where could anyone be safe.” So, he handed the bag to a bearded man who looked like he had a lived a long time. A strange look came across the man’s face and he said, “Interesting!” Then the bag went to a younger man who smiled and exclaimed, “Astounding” Finally, the bag went to a young boy. He opened the bag and exclaimed, “Hey mister, why’d you bring pavement?” and handed the bag back to Marcel. Marcel looked in the bag then looked at the street. He was standing on the fabled streets of gold! For a moment he felt embarrassed then he let out a hearty laugh and tossed the bag to the side of the road and walked away with his new family.

Maybe you can take it with you, but why bother.

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1, 2, 3, 4, how can I do more.

Let’s cut right to the chase. If you’re reading this you probably already know that this world rarely rewards the lazy. The productive get higher wages, more promotions, and usually live a fuller life. I’m betting that you already are a go-getter and are looking for a few quick tips on how to get more done in a day. So, let’s jump right in. First, you need to remind yourself to identify what needs to get done. Second you need to prioritize each task. Third, focus on the tasks and do not allow yourself to get distracted by anything that can be postponed. Fourth, you must move with dispatch while staying quality-minded. Simple tips that could yield big rewards. Send me a cut from your next raise.

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Foundation for Creativity

Have you ever noticed that it is impossible to do something without structure. There has to be some framework or foundation upon which to build whatever creative endeavor comes to mind. Dancers require a solid floor. Drummers require a rigid shell and a taut drum skin; painters a canvas and frame, even the most abstract sculpture rests on a foundation and is cached in the rigid structure of a gallery. Notice that your body alternates rigidity and flexibility (bones and joints).

Habits are similar to these rigid structures. Good habits, often hard to come by, provide a basis for high efficiency and high quality production. Bad habits, unfortunately, provide consistently negative results. However, whether you look at the good habits or the bad habits it is to your advantage to realize that habits are a springboard to more creativity and innovation. How?

Use your existing habits, focus on the good ones, as a platform for learning something new. If you’re a rapid reader with good retention try reading in a different subject area. If you’re in business you could read about the process above or below you in the pipeline. Or you could study something completely different, such as a radiologist studying metallurgy. The goal is to develop new habits that can expand your mind and your collection of capabilities.

For more detail and ideas consult this article in the New York Times.

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Wadsworth Falls

Are you looking for a great way to enjoy Connecticut’s beautiful spring air? Let me tell you about a beautiful, hidden treasure in the woods of Middlefield, Connecticut.

With the days getting longer and warmer, my husband and I just want to be outside. We love the outdoors and the chance to emotionally connect after a long day’s work. A few days ago, we stumbled upon the Wadsworth Falls State Park and decided to take advantage of the fresh spring air and go for a walk.

From the park entrance on Connecticut Route 157, there are seven trails varying in length, leading to both big and little water falls. We took the orange path, a 1.5 mile main trail to the big falls. The path was very wide and for the most part clear of debris. The big falls were much more beautiful than I expected. With all the rain we had been getting, abundant water cascaded down the rocks to a peaceful creek. Remember to take a picnic to enjoy at the falls or at least a camera to capture the magnificent scenery. On the way back to our car, we swung by the little falls via the blue trail. They, too, were beautiful.

As spring turns to summer we hope to return for a barbecue in the picnicking section of the park. There are tables and grills in a variety of shady, grassy, and rustic locations. Along with a picnic, we plan to take a leisurely swim in the fresh water swimming pond located near the park entrance. Having lots to offer and a beautiful view, I rate Wadsworth Falls 5 stars for a great Connecticut date location for couples and families alike!

Helpful Hints for Hike Dates

Hikes are great for fostering lively discussion. Think of interesting topics ahead of time. Prepare a battery of open-ended questions to keep the conversation going. Stories are always a great way to go. Tell stories from your childhood or of your expectations about the future. Invite your date to do the same. Good conversation always makes a hike go faster.

Be prepared. There is nothing more date-sapping than little bugs eating you for dinner, feeling famished, dehydration, an injury or worse. Depending on the trail length and challenging characteristics, be sure to bring the necessities along with you. Here’s a list for starters: Water, a snack, a first aid kit, bug spray, hair tie, and sunglasses.

When you’re walking together make sure to keep in step. If you happen to be a fast walker and your date lags behind, be courteous and slow down. Keeping in step with the slower walker makes carrying a conversation easier. No one likes talking to someone’s back. If your date is walking too fast encourage him/her to slow down by holding their hand. Usually, this helps keep a consistent pace.

Out of breath? How embarrassing that can be, to be in the middle of the woods on a path that is harder than you imagined or find you are not in as good of shape as you thought. So, one suggestion when you find it hard to walk and talk, find a scenic overview or a bench and stop for something. Good options that seem to work are: “I need to re-tie my shoe,” or “let’s stop for a drink of water,” or even an abrupt stop for a kiss. Whatever the excuse, be sure to be honest about your condition if it comes up. Sharing vulnerability is part of what it takes to grow a relationship. If he or she can’t deal with the reality of your little flaws now, what is there but heartache down the road?

Time it right. Make sure you account for the sunset if you go hiking in the late afternoon so you don’t get stuck in the woods at dusk, when most parks close. Generally, it takes a person that is in average shape about an hour to go four miles. Most state parks have maps with the mileage written out for you. Remember to account for there and back when your configuring.

Remember, the most important thing is to have fun!

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How to Make a To-Do List

Making a to-do list may seem obvious to you. However, I have to remind myself from time to time that nothing is obvious until you see it. Everybody has to start somewhere, so, I want to talk, for a moment or two, to those who aren’t comfortable writing a to-do list.

I have a friend who was a paralegal for many years. That job came to an abrupt end and she found herself managing a book and gift store. I noticed, whenever I talked to her that she frequently interrupted herself. She would be right in the middle of a sentence and interrupt herself with another thought and then interrupt that thought with another. She seemed agitated about all her new responsibilities. I suggested she make a list of what needed to be done. Her response, “Oh no, I know exactly what I need to do.”

The weeks passed, during my next visit, the same scenario replayed itself. I broached the subject again. I explained to her that the human brain can remember a lot but it can only keep about 6 or 7 things at the forefront at a time. Since the brain doesn’t really keep time very well it reviews the list in an endless loop so a list of 4 items can seem like a list of a hundred items. As the list is reviewed time and again a feeling of anxiety grows. Here’s what I told her, “Write what needs to be done on a list. The next time it comes up in your mind, check the list. If it’s not on the list add it. If it’s on the list say, ‘be calm it’s on the list.’” She tried it for a day, but kept losing her list.

I love to program in postscript so I wrote a program to draw 6 to-do lists on a page. You simply fold the paper in half and then in thirds. This gives you 6 panels on which to write as many tasks as you can fit. I put a check box next to each one. I gave her 2 sheets. The first one I used to demonstrate how to fold it. The second one is used as a master to make more copies. When you take a regular sized piece of paper and fold as described it will easily fit in pants pocket, shirt pocket or purse.

Within two days she was much calmer. Anytime something popped up she would check her list and either add or reassure herself that everything was under control.

The primary reason for making a to-do list is to prevent energy sapping anxiety. The second reason is to make sure no important task is left undone. I’m sure many would switch the order of priorities but I’ll stick to my guns because I’ve seen too many people operating at reduced efficiency and effectiveness simply because anxiety was slowing them down and draining their creative juices.

What else should you know about making a to-do list? Well, I believe, and several authors seem to support this idea, that you should have more than one to-do list. Different authors have different suggestions on what kinds of lists you should have. Here’s my suggestion, start with two and grow from there. The first list should contain items that meet one or more of these criteria: a) it must be done today, b) it can easily be done in one step today, c) you will have time to do it today. The second list should contain items that don’t go on the first list such as project-like tasks, tasks that can be postponed or delegated, or tasks that require research.

Once you’ve mastered the creation and use of the two-list practice you’ll be able to branch out to gain finer control over your tasks. You may decide to add a projects list or a great idea list or a “I really want to do this someday” list.

What medium should be used for a to-do list? Some people like computer programs. I have never had good success with those because the majority of my work is away from my desk. Sometimes, I’ll type a list, print it, then carry the list with me throughout the day. I’ve had the most success using either a spiral bound notebook or a regular piece of paper folded to create 6 panels. Experiment with different media and see what works best for you.

So now you know. Make one list with your top priorities. Make a second list to hold whatever can, or should be postponed. Use a medium (paper, computer, 3×5 cards, etc.) that fits your style. Let me leave you with two final thoughts. Don’t spend more time organizing your tasks than you spend doing them. Finally, remember the principle of “continuous forward progress.” Even slow progress is better than no progress. Happy “to-do” listing.

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The Number One Key to Getting Things Done

Lately, I’ve been reading a lot about personal productivity and about a variety of successful people. I’ve read about tickler files, and folder systems, notebooks vs. day planners and so on. The common thread, and the very reason for all these systems, is to get work done. I’ve got to admit that I’ve caught myself spending more time on organizing my tasks than actually doing them because I got caught up in trying to find “the best approach.” J. Paul Getty complained that too many executives confused activity with productivity. They substituted reports for action, but he preferred action to reports. This is not to say that he advocated thoughtless action. No, his point was to follow careful thought with quick, decisive action.

Here’s what I’ve gleaned from all these books. The number one key to getting more done is simply to consistently take action. Try this: without delay, and for the next hour, act on everything you can do right now that’s on your to-do list. When you get tired, slow down or take a rest. As soon as you can breathe again, get moving. Get stuff out of your head and out of the way and simply put your self in motion. How simple is that?

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