The Cost of a Dream

Nothing is Free

Everything, I mean everything costs. You may not be able to associate a dollar figure with it but it costs you time and energy. Are you spending resources on something that is of value to you? Do you have a dream? I hope so! Do you have a plan to accomplish that dream? You need one you know. No great dream and few middling ones were ever accomplished without a plan. Part of a good plan is a cost estimate. You need to count the cost before you pursue your dream. Knowing the cost helps you stay on track. Knowing the cost helps you prioritize life’s activities.

Effective Cash Rate

Try this technique to help you measure the true cost of goods, services, and activities. I call it the Effect Cash Rate (ECR). Take your last pay stub and divide your net pay by your gross pay. Most likely, you will get a decimal fraction between .7 and .99. If you give 10% to your church and another 2% to charities, on average, subtract .12 from the number. Here’s an example, Myra divided her net by her gross and came up with .9042. We’ll drop the last 2 digits and just use .90. She regularly gives to a variety of charities a total of about 13% of her weekly income So, .90 - .13 leaves her with .77.

Using the ECR

Myra’s dream is to spend a month in Paris studying the architecture of Notre Dame de Paris and visiting the local museums. She’s calculated her total travel and living expenses to be $6,750. So how much will it really cost her? She takes 6,750 and divides it by .77 and gets 8,766. That’s how much she’ll have to earn to get the money to go to Paris. If she makes $20 per hour she’ll need to work about 439 hours to get the cash she needs. This is above her regular living expenses. Every Friday she goes out with friends and spends about $75. Now that she knows her goal and her costs she takes that $75 and divides it by .77 and gets about 98. She shares her dream with her friends and decides to go out only twice per month, thereby saving her $150/month. Using this method she evaluates her purchases for clothes, food, and services. Every dollar Myra saves or spends is really worth about $1.30 (1 divided by .77).

Myra is determined to get her trip to Paris and now she is armed with the analytical tools to help. With the 2 free Friday’s a month she takes a part-time job at a restaurant that pays $15/hour and gives her a free meal. The 8 hours at $15/hour net her about $92 in cash (8 times 15 times .77). However, the free meal saves her from having to buy dinner. If dinner normally costs her $8 she is really gaining $10.38 (8 divided by .77). So, in this case, the part-time job is worth 92 + 10.38 or $108.38 per week or 216.76 each month.

Don’t be Too Analytical

This method is not exact and there are other variables to consider. If the part-time job required special clothing or extra travel expenses they would have to be figured into the total. The point is not to go totally anal about the precision of the effective cash rate. The goal is to give yourself a reasonable tool to help you quickly evaluate expenditures and income. Myra didn’t give up all social activities. Had she completely given up her Friday nights she could have built her cash reserve much faster. Had she kept all her Friday nights she could still achieve her dream but it would take longer. There are no cops to throw you in jail if you are driving to slow on the highway of dreams. How long it takes to get your dream is up to you. So, make a plan and get busy.

Posted in Tight Spaces | No Comments »

The Measure of a Man

“You can tell the measure of a man by how well he holds his whine.” Perry Sandoval

Whiners, the worst sort of self-centered pessimists, are the bane of our world. In their cowering way they complain about the depth, length, and breadth of the hole you dig but never pick up a shovel to either fill it in or make it right. We all have to endure whiners, critics, pessimists, and bullies but may God have mercy on you, if ever join their ranks. Don’t!

At the end of their pitiful life what can the whiner say? “I complained more than anyone I know” The pessimist is often too lazy to keep score to substantiate such a claim. It takes months, sometimes years, to write a novel or make a movie. A whiner can shred it in a moment. Yet none of his criticisms will inspire a single soul.

Don’t whine. Not to yourself nor to anyone else. Live your life and pursue your dreams with a passion. Fuel the dreams in your heart so that those behind you can see the brilliance of the comet-like tail that you leave as you pass through life.

“Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential.” Winston Churchill

I recognize that life is hard. It is harder for some than for others. So what? How is your current position justification for inaction? From wherever you are, go higher. Take a chance and make a change for the better. Don’t give up! Don’t give in! I know that I know that I know that you have untapped potential within you begging you to get up off your fatty acids and draw deep from the well within you. After you’ve made the change and gotten to a higher level, do two things. First, help someone else. Second, challenge yourself to go up another level. Unlike the whiner, when your life is over, even if it is only days away, you will be able to say, “I came up from where I was.”

“Never, never, never give up.” Winston Churchill

Posted in Life Tips | No Comments »

Getting Better Service

I like good service. If you’re going to work under the hood of my car and I never have to see your face then I don’t care if you whistle a tune or swear like a sailor. However, if we have to talk face to face I want a smile and a good attitude.

I”m a straight shooter. Which is just a polite way of saying I talk plain, some might say blunt. But I wanted better service, so, I took it upon myself to find a way to illicit more pleasant service from the grocery store clerk to the bank teller. Here’s what I do. I look for a name tag and say, “Hello Don, how are you?” After doing this for several years I’ve discovered that about 80 percent of the time the other person brightens up. Sometimes I even get extra service by way of tips or directions.

About 19 percent of the time I get no response and the service person stays just as stone-faced as before. About 1 percent of the time they get even grumpier. Oh, well. The gains far out weigh the losses so I’m happy.

Next time you order a hamburger or a wheat juice beverage look at the person behind the counter and say, “Hi, how are you?” It might make your life just a little more pleasant here in Connecticut.

Posted in Life Tips | No Comments »

Move to a Better Life

It is really, really hard to hit a target you can’t see. Everyone seems to want a “better” life but how do you define “better” and how do you measure progress towards it? Here are three criteria that may help.

1. The resources to meet the needs of yourself and others.

2. A plan for fulfilling a well-defined purpose

3. Wholeness

Meeting Needs

This measurement says a lot about your character and how you view your fellow man. If you will not take care of anyone besides your self it broadcasts selfishness. Selfishness is one of the main ingredients for an unfulfilled life. When you choose to limit your spending to what you earn and always set aside a little for someone else, it shows that you are able to delay gratification. Besides being a mark of maturity, delayed gratification, is a necessary ingredient for building anything of significance.

Notice that I didn’t say meet “wants” and I didn’t say meet the needs of everyone. Most people live on a limited budget of some type. When my son was going to college a relative would send him $20 a month. It wasn’t nearly enough for books, supplies, tuition or board. However, it was enough to buy coffee. Just coffee. That improved my son’s life and demonstrated the character of the giver. If you’re looking for a life-long partner look for someone who delays gratification and meets the needs others, even in a small way.

A Plan and a Purpose

When you have a reason to “want” to get up in the morning it makes a huge difference in the quality of your life. Ten years from now will you be able to look back at this year and say, “I was on my way to where I wanted to be now.”

Having a purpose is like Novocaine for the pains of life. It softens the blows and brightens the colors of life. However, a purpose without a plan is just a fantasy. A plan is an extremely useful tool in the fight against discouragement, anxiety, and apathy. In the movie, “For Love or Money,” Michael J. Fox played a character who conducted his life with zealous discipline. He endured aging employees, a sadistic manager, and eccentric guests because each dollar of each tip put him closer to his purpose. In Charlie Plumb’s book, “I’m No Hero” he discusses the importance of having something to do everyday to prepare himself for the eventual return to civilization. The combination of hope and activity enabled him to endure the horrors of a Vietnamese prison. A plan feeds your hopes.

If you have a fantasy, some wild-eyed bronco of a dream. Take some time to develop a list of steps to get there. If the dream is worthwhile then it is worth taking the time to develop a plan. Use the list as a set of scales to measure every friendship, party, and purchase. If it is not helping you fulfill your purpose then it is retarding your progress. Chuck the offender mercilessly. By the way, helping other people will help you achieve your purpose unless your purpose is to win the Narcissus of the Year award.

Wholeness

Of the three measurements mentioned here this is probably the most abstract. It requires daily action to achieve and maintain. Synonyms for it are peace, integrity, completeness, and order. When your clothes are clean and easy to get to, your books are put away, your finances are in order, and you are in control of your time then you will have wholeness. Maybe today your dwelling is a mess of books, papers, and take-out cartons. But tomorrow it could be just a mess of books and papers. With daily application it could become a place without distractions. I’m not trying to say you should become a neat freak or a compulsive time-cop. I’m just suggesting that you look at each area of your life, such as your physical surroundings, how you maintain your body, and the condition of your psyche and decide what actions you can take to make them more orderly. There are scores of books and articles on de-junking your life. Find one or two and follow their advice.

Do you have heartaches from the past? Maybe somebody abused or betrayed you. You lost a loved one or had a major business failure. I’m not being heartless. I’m just saying, as compassionately as I can, it is time to move on. Don’t let the past hold you back any longer. The following technique has worked well for some people. On as many pieces of paper as are necessary, write all the failures and suffered wrongs. Then burn them (somewhere safe, please). Another technique is to go to an office supply store and buy a pad of invoices. Write an invoice for everyone who has ever done you wrong. Then on each one write “Paid in Full.” Or get yourself a stamp. One of those old fashioned kind with the separate ink pad. Forcefully stamp each invoice PAID!. At that moment release that memory’s hold on your soul. When you wake up the next morning say to yourself, out loud, I am free from the past.

Next Steps

Are there other measures of the “good life” which one can apply? Of course there are. Use these as a starting point. Make a commitment to yourself to act on these three for the next three months. Give your self a grade in each area and make a commitment to yourself to raise that grade. Maybe you have a dream but it’s not written anywhere and you are without a plan to fulfill it. So you have an “F” in that subject. No problem. Take a few minutes, let’s say 15, and start researching and writing the steps to your dream. Maybe your wallet is so tight that your debit card squeaks when you use it. That’s ok. Cut your expenses until you can send $15 dollars to a charity that does something for someone else. If you score an “F” in the wholeness department don’t despair. You can’t conquer the mess in one day but you can make significant progress in just 3 months. Shut off the T.V. Better yet, sell yours and send the money to charity. There’s nothing that good to watch anyway. Everyday throw something out of your life that is not adding value. At the end of every month give yourself a check-up and see if your grades have improved. If you practice the principle of “continuous forward progress” you will have a very different and much happier life.

Posted in Life Tips | No Comments »

Hong Kong Restaurant in Milford

Last Friday, a friend and I went to Hong Kong Restaurant in Milford for lunch. It’s just off the Post Road, across from the Connecticut Post Mall, next to the Krispy Kreme. I really, really like Chinese food! I’ve had Chinese food from San Francisco to Paris. This place holds its own with all of them. I’ve been to several of the high-brow types with white table clothes and sublime decor. Those are great. However, I continually find myself gravitating toward places like Hong Kong. They usually specialize in take-out. They rarely have tables on the premises. These places just seem more honest. It’s food to eat, not food to show.

Anyway, he had the egg foo young and I had the boneless pork ribs. Both meals came with fried rice and a beverage. I’ve eaten here before so I knew what to expect. The ribs are always the same, tender, juicy, and packed with flavor. I’ve never had egg foo young so my buddy graciously cut a piece for me to try. I liked it. If you like eggs and omelets I think you’ll like egg foo young. For those not familiar with Chinese cooking it’s like a deep fried omelet made with vegetables and sometimes meat and served with a brown gravy. It’s a heavier flavor than a traditional American breakfast egg dish. I’ll have it again next time.

The service is great. The prices are very reasonable. The two of us ate for less than 14 bucks. If you like hot foods try their Mei Fung. It’s great. I hope you’ll try Hong Kong the next time you’re in Milford. The restaurant is in a small shopping center at the intersection of Red Bush Lane and Boson Post Road. If you’d like to find other restaurants in Milford try this link: Konneti

Posted in Reviews | No Comments »

From Helpless to Helpful

I just revisited an old story about some poor Joe that couldn’t walk. His family or friends would drop him (sometimes literally) on the street near a popular place to beg. I know that there are some “beggars” in New York city that make a pretty decent living by “pan-handling.” But he was not one of those.

I can’t imagine that his life was all that great. Some people looked down on him, judged, and criticized him openly. His lively-hood depended on the economy and the kindness of strangers. But I keep thinking about his heart, his soul. What would it be like to be unable to choose where you go each day and to know that you cannot be of help and will never be able to be of help. You are helpless. You are a “burden” to society. I imagine that day after day of this kind of a life would cause you to slump into a mental funk of hopelessness. Cynicism would become your friend. How could you avoid adopting a victim mentality?

Then one day two guys came along and, as usual, he begs for money. This is a popular place and these guys have been here before. But today, they “see” him. Really see him. They grab the guy and stand him on his feet. Miraculously he walks. Filled with elation he shouts and screams and just generally disturbs the peace. He’s excited.

Today, I focused on a completely different aspect of the story. Instead of focusing on the miracle I focused on the future. In a sliver of time this man’s future changed. He could now pursue his purpose in life with vigor and mobility. For the first time he could visit friends or, if he chose sales, visit customers. He could raise cattle or farm. He could make stuff to sell.

Thank God I’m not in his pre-miracle position! Or am I? Are you? Is there some mental-block that is keeping you from pursuing your passion for life? Maybe you believe that you’re completely dependent on your boss or parents or the welfare system to be able to live. What if today, not tomorrow, but today, you just decided that you would at least start looking for a better way. You might say, “I don’t have the courage.” Pretend that you do! If you had the courage what would you do? Has it been so long since you’ve allowed yourself to dream or fantasize that you don’t even know what your passions are anymore?

I hope with all my heart that you have more to look forward to than the weekend, or the next one-night stand, or the next great meal. It seems to me that genius has less to do with your actual intelligence than with the having the guts to follow your passions. Years and years ago I heard an interview with Mariah Carey. The interviewer asked Mariah what she would do if her career didn’t progress any further. Mariah responded with something like, “I just love to sing. Even if I had to wait tables I would still sing.” There’s a person pursuing her passion. She did not sing for stardom. She sang to realize her passion.

Do you have something inside you that just compels you forward? Or did you take a job because of the money but you hate the work? I’m discovering and rediscovering my passion for life. I’m learning new ways to plan and to pursue my passions. I hope you will too.

Posted in Life Tips | No Comments »